September 20, 2007
- “Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors! “
– Louisa May Alcott - “Your schooling may be over, but remember that your education still continues.”
– Anonymous - “The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.”
– Anonymous - “The young graduate is discovering that among the necessaries of life, the most important is living.”
– Anonymous - “There is no need to reach high for the stars. They are already within you - just reach deep into yourself!”
– Anonymous - “Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.”
– Susan B. Anthony - “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.”
– Erma Bombeck - “You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.”
– Tom Brokaw - “People will frighten you about a graduation….They use words you don’t hear often… ‘And we wish you Godspeed.’ It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.”
– Bill Cosby - “A great many college graduates come here thinking of lawyers as social engineers arguing the great Constitutional issues.”
– Archibald Cox - “The function of the university is not simply to teach bread winning, or to furnish teachers for the public schools or to be a centre of polite society; it is, above all, to be the organ of that fine adjustment between life and the growing knowledge of life, an adjustment which forms the secret of civilization. “
– W.E.B. Du Bois - “The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means of education. “
– Ralph Waldo Emerson - “The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.”
– Russell Green - “A college education is not a quantitative body of memorized knowledge salted away in a card file. It is a taste for knowledge, a taste for philosophy, if you will; a capacity to explore, to question to perceive relationships, between fields of knowledge and experience. “
– A. Whitney Griswold - “The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.”
– Sydney Harris - “There is a good reason they call these ceremonies “commencement exercises.” Graduation is not the end; it’s the beginning.”
– Orrin Hatch - “Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.”
– Washington Irving - “The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match, each one of you is a fuse.”
– Ed Koch - “The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.”
– Doug Larson - “Don’t ever dare to take your college as a matter of course~because, like democracy and freedom, many people you’ll never know have broken their hearts to get it for you. “
– Alice Drue Miller - “To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.”
– A. A. Milne - “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.”
– Robert Orben - “Graduation is only a concept. In real life every day you graduate. Graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life. If you can grasp that , you’ll make a difference.”
– Arie Pencovici - “The direction in which education starts a man will determine his future. “
– Plato - “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.”
– Robert Purvis - “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”
– Shakespeare - “Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.”
– George Bernard Shaw - “A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, ‘I’ve been going for three months.’ I said, ‘How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?’ He said, ‘All of them.’”
– Red Skeleton - “At my graduation, I thought we had to marry what we wished to become. Now you are becoming the men you once would have wished to marry.”
– Gloria Steinem - “I have learned this at least by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dream, and endeavors to live the life which he had imagines, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. “
– Henry David Thoreau - “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
– Henry David Thoreau - “‘These are days you’ll remember.’ If you recall nothing else from your graduation ceremony, remember you heard the New Jersey Governor quote from 10,000 Maniacs.”
– Christine Todd, NJ governor - “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
– Garry Trudeau - “A milestone passed, new things begun, dreams as shining as the sun, a goal achieved, a victory won! That’s Graduation!”
– Unknown - “It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.”
– Isabel Waxman
Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2005) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine
- A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more; plus freebies and links to related resources. All new subscribers get one free ad. Read it - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp
Comments Off
Many doctors and or psychologist will tell you to not potty train until your child is 3 or 4 years old. Some even say to not potty train the child at all; that they will potty train themselves when they are ready which they say is between the age of 4 and 5 years old. I personally don’t know how and where they got their statistics because I have found the exact opposite.
Through my many years of potty training I have found that parents that start introducing the idea of potty training to their children at a very young age have faster and easier success then those parents that wait until the child is much older.
Children that are younger are more impressionable, they are not set in their ways. The closer to the age of three that a child gets, the more set in their ways they get. They become comfortable in their diaper and in how they do things.
The older the child gets the harder and longer it takes parents to get their child potty trained. Children at this age know how to control the situation and they use their control. They are also very comfortable with the way things are so getting them to change is hard.
I have found that most children at the age of 22 months old are ready to potty train and can be trained in as little as three days. At EasyPottyTraining.com you can find a potty training guide that gives a fail proof test to test the readiness of your little one. If your little one can pass this easy test then they are ready to be potty trained.
Why wait for a child to reach the age of 4? Why make it harder on you later? Why change diapers for another two years?
Is your child already 3 or 4 years old? Well the good news is that it’s not too late. You too can potty train in as little as three days. You might have a little more of a fight on your hands but it can be done!!
Now, I’m not a doctor or a psychologist but I am a mother of 6 kids and I have had 8 foster kids. I have also successfully helped in potty training over 2100 children from around the world. I personally feel I’m an expert in Potty Training. So in my “expert” opinion I believe that if you potty train early you will have faster and easier success.
Lora is the owner of http://www.easypottytraining.com.
Comments Off
Have you ever arrived at place in your career and wondered how you got there? Have you found yourself stuck, not liking your job, yet not seeing how you can change after investing 15 years at it.
Let’s take a different perspective and see if you can solve your dilemma through this colorful full spectrum exploration of job and career.
Think back to when you began working. You looked at options and explored different ways to make money soon, you may have transitioned into a new career as a way to create a lifestyle change or to remodel your work life. This move expresses power and taking charge. It is strength and energy, and the color is red, the base chakra. It doesn’t matter if you found yourself a corporate job or built your own business. You are inspired and motivated.
Your career move brings networking meetings, web sites and all the social issues. You contact buddies or former business associates to promote your business. If in a corporation you meet your co-workers and the leaders. It is stimulating, social and the color is orange, the second chakra.
At this point your career is a craft based on a set of skills or a model. You work based on memorized processes or protocol. You work from your left brain.. This is the third chakra, and the color is yellow. Your experiences are formalized, routine. Some people stay here, feeling the strong hold of golden handcuffs.
Others naturally transition to the next level, the heart center. You link to an evolving growth cycle both for yourself and your work.
Perhaps, like so many people these days, you began your career at a very young age, tinkering in your garage, participating in Junior Achievement, or selling lemonade. You work with a passion, a mission. Your training comes from this place and you learn the techniques and lingo of your career path.
Do you move back to the heart after your training? You never leave this heart center, for that is who you are. The color is green for balance and you give it your all, from your place of authenticity. This is the fourth chakra.
Your next transition may be the most difficult, for this is where you express who you are and what you do. And where routine trips up many. At this level you integrate your job into a career and into your body, losing the memorized skills. You are “in flow” as you meet new people, change companies and encounter new opportunities. Life becomes an art form. This is the fifth chakra, blue, and it is the throat or communication center. As you speak from this place, you begin to experience the law of attraction. This is where you clarify or redefine intentions based on who and what you want to attract and how you want your career or business to expand.
Your next shift is integrating your intentions into your inner knowing, the intuitive self, so real flow can begin. You assume leadership roles. You work with the intuitive voice, let go of ego, the need to be right and bring in fresh ideas through synchronicity. This is the sixth chakra, indigo, also called the third eye. It is the center from which shamans and healers work.
This could be your last step, for this brings you to the spiritual level — a vital step in the big picture. It is where, through your work, you connect to the Divine in all things and you become aware of your impact on others’ environments. You connect with yourself in a different way. You experience integration of your life on all levels. Here is where balance really begins. It is the place where you experience the “Big AH HA”. This is when things become mystical. It is the crown, or seventh chakra, and the color is violet. For you this may be the “be all and end all”.
I believe, however, that there is a next and final step. It is here where you can get off track again. It is also here where you are free to express who you are to the world. You reach a place of trust and knowing, and your career and life become an art form you have finely crafted. It resonates in your body, in your mind, and you move freely in this knowledge. It is where you walk your talk, and paint, write, design a house or build a boat. It is a place of freedom, and it is not age or retirement related.
It is here where you bring the strength and power of your base chakra, red, and blend it with your crown chakra of violet so that your spirit speaks from deep within your being. This blended color is magenta, the auric color, which becomes your magical, mystical attractor. It is where you express your uniqueness and become grounded to your being in your heart.
You may wonder why there are so many in business with a “poor me” attitude. From my vantage point, this comes when people are working from the lower chakras and are experiencing fear, lack and competition. No matter if you are an entrepreneur or an employee, you have the power to move beyond the “poor me” place. To vitalize, color and reshape your world, step aside for a moment, walk around and reflect on where you stand in the world of business. Better yet visualize where you stand in the world.
Look back on these eight levels and examine where you stand today. Where have you been in the past and to where are you moving your career and your life today? Take your time, for these are growth steps.
These concepts may be a bit edgy, unique, and certainly out of the box. May you find your place on the edge too.
© 2004 Susan “Sue” Bacon Trumpfheller
Sue Trumpfheller is the author, teacher and a coach, Sue supports her clients by helping them “paint a picture” that illustrates their current situation. Using shapes and vibrant colors is central to her intuitive coaching style and to making the coaching relationship a living, breathing supportive environment.
Contact Sue through http://www.ecoentrepreneur.com
Comments Off
Mobile phone penetration is increasing globally. With the
increase in handsets, being able to communicate with the handset
owners in their own language is something that is becoming
increasingly important.
The first question that comes to mind is how it works when
foreign languages are sent to mobiles from a web site. Based on
the fact that computers fundamentally just deal with numbers,
letters and characters are stored using a unique number for each
and in the past these unique numbers had to be assigned through
the use of encoding systems. As a result hundreds of different
encoding systems existed, none compatible with each other and
none of them containing enough characters to deal with all
languages. All this changed with the invention of Unicode. With
Unicode one number for each letter has been assigned (a standard
has been set) and it is network, platform and language
independent. The emergence of Unicode standards and tools
allowed web platform owners and developers to develop additional
tools which enables end users to send sms in their own language.
These applications are especially important in the Middle East
(Arabic), Far East (Chinese, Taiwanese, Hindi etc.) and European
countries where normal English characters cannot be used to
communicate in data format for example Greece, Finland, Norway -
just to name a few.
Prior to development of a user-friendly Java based application,
users had to be familiar with Hex and the conversion of Unicode
characters into Hex in order for the binary data to be sent to
recipients via mobile phones from web sites.
This now all changed for end users. The java based application
used for sending Unicode, available on www.smswarehouse.com,
allows users to send sms from the web site in the language their
keyboard is set to. Once logged in, users have the opportunity
to choose whether they want to send their text message in
Unicode or in English. After selecting Unicode, the user is
presented with the opportunity to send their message in Hex or
based on their keyboard settings (Keyboard input).
The process is extremely simple and user friendly - if your
keyboard is set (for example) to Greek, you simply type the
message in and click on “send” - the text will be delivered to
the recipient in Greek. Unicode is still limited to 70
Characters, which is a GSM restriction, but the use of 160
characters is currently under development.
Visit http://www.smswarehouse.com to register for a free test
account
Comments Off
The Texas Hold’em poker phenomenon has taken the country by storm. There are reportedly over 100 million active poker players worldwide. Poker’s popularity is largely the byproduct of technology and several recent trends: 1) online gaming, where players engage and socialize in real-time over the Internet, and 2) the broad publicity created by high profile TV shows like the World Series of Poker and World Poker Tour.
With all the poker-mania, there’s an amazing shortage of quality information to help people learn how to play properly and become great players quickly. This is the first in a series of Texas Holdem strategy articles aimed at helping players learn how to win at Texas Hold’em poker. Tournament play is a popular, fun sport. These articles will help players understand how to approach tournaments, which differ greatly from regular “ring game” play.
This installment deals with the most-asked question: “How do I deal effectively with aggressive players?” Many players struggle against “maniacs”, the aggressive, wild players who play most every hand, somehow seem to pull cards out of thin air, and often manage to dominate the table.
Here’s what actually happened in a recent poker tournament. I entered a tournament at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida, about 20 minutes from my home in South Florida. This weekly $300 entry-fee tournament fills the poker room with 220 players every Monday night.
The blinds start at 50/100 and go up every 15 minutes. I spent the first 30 minutes just hanging out and occasionally limping in to see a flop. The reason for “treading water” was to study my opponents and their playing patterns very closely. There were a number of solid poker players, but right away I spotted the aggressive ones.
I was sitting in the middle, directly across from the dealer. There were two “wild men” to my right. These two participated in most every hand, and agonized with themselves whenever they had to throw a hand away. This was hilarious to me, and it was also very telling. I knew these dudes were doomed from the onset, yet they were extremely dangerous if they caught something with one of their trash hands. These types are great targets, but only when you know how to play them correctly. If you do, you’ll end up with most or all of their chips in your stack. The key is to get to their chips before someone else does.
There were some squeaky-tight and solid players, as usual. Finally, there were two other players to my left who knew one another very well and spoke what sounded like Russian. These two played very aggressively. They rarely called or checked. They would bet or raise the pot significantly, so if they played a hand, you knew they were going to bet it big and you’d better be prepared to push a bunch of your chips into the middle. As a result, the table became tight overall, except for these four players who controlled the early action and dictated the table tempo for the first hour or so. They gambled with wanton abandon, trading chips with each other as the rest of us just observed and wished for a real hand to materialize.
It became apparent that our maniacs were playing mostly garbage hands, and using assertive chatter in an attempt to intimidate everyone. They were enjoying pushing everyone around with their aggressive betting and raising style. Humorously, they got into a number of showdowns, causing all of their trash hands to become openly exposed; e.g., 69 off-suit, Q3 suited, etc. I definitely had these guys pegged now – if only I could get a strong hand…
Later, one of my Russian “friends” came in over the top of a bet I’d placed with a huge raise, then smiled at me as he leaned his head back as if to say “Go ahead. I dare you”. My middle pair just wasn’t strong enough to engage with him, but I remembered this little “lesson” and my mistake. He’d used this tactic many times against the others and I should’ve expected it. I also realized that we had not seen any of his supposed “big hands”, as he always mucked them. Whenever you see an aggressive player dominating, and then mucking all those supposed “great hands”, you know you’ve spotted a target.
We played on, with the two maniacs to my right getting busted out by the Russian contingent. It’s been an hour and fifteen minutes - and I still haven’t seen even one decent hand yet! This is, unfortunately, typical poker.
After about an hour-and 45 minutes, I finally pick up a pair of wired 9’s (99). Now I was hoping the flop would yield a set (trips). Sure enough, it came: 9, K, 5. I was elated and jumping up and down (inside). I was finally in a position to make my move, and hoped it would be against one of my aggressive Russian friends with their big stacks.
To prepare my trap, I delayed and muddled around for about ten seconds, and then casually “checked” verbally and using my hand in a chopping motion, with a slightly disgusted look. Next, the younger Russian moves in with a big bet of 3,000 chips. I was sure I had him now. As expected, everyone else quickly folded and got out of his way – except me. This fellow had pushed everyone around and I was finally properly armed and ready to do battle on my own terms. Note that this had been my “battle plan” all along. I was deliberately targeting these aggressive characters, knowing that when the time was right, their ill-gotten stacks would become mine!
The action came back around to me, so now it was just the two of us heads-up. The two Russians said something to each other that the rest of us couldn’t decipher. I delayed and bobbed my head around as if to be struggling with my decision. Then, I motioned with both hands and uttered “I’m all-in”. I knew this series of actions would likely trigger an aggressive reaction, since my “check-raise” made it appear as if I was trying to steal this pot! A check-raise almost always triggers a full-tilt response from an aggressive player.
He immediately called me - he was so aggressive (and pot-committed) that it was like a fish taking the bait and running for deep waters - hook line and sinker! I threw my pair of 9’s over, revealing the trip 9’s. There was a low murmur around the table from the other players. My young Russian friend reluctantly flipped his five/trash hand over - he had a pair of fives (with a King over-card showing on the board!). He was definitely angling to drive me out of this pot with his ascertive play – one too many times…
You see, no one actually gets that many great hands in poker - nobody. If someone plays 30% to 40% or more of the time, they’re just “gambling” and bluffing. This guy thinks he has a “good” hand, because he actually had a real pair – something he doesn’t often have when pushing everyone around with mostly aggressive betting as his only real weapon.
The turn came and it wasn’t a five - then someone pipes up and says “he’s drawing dead”. Believe me, you never want to hear that when you’re in a showdown! I looked over as he said something in Russian to his buddy - another violation of tournament rules, as everyone is compelled to speak English at the tournament table. It wouldn’t matter, as he stood up, grabbed his jacket and left after receiving some consolation from his friend.
His older friend glared over at me and uttered something derogatory in Russian. I had no clue what he said, but I knew from his tone that I didn’t like it. I also knew I’d gotten under his skin by taking down his buddy and raking in all of his chips. I responded with “what’s that, I don’t understand what you’re saying since you’re not speaking English?” loudly so everyone at the table could hear me.
He mumbled something about his friend…I smiled and said politely with a smile “I deliberately laid that trap for your friend and he fell right into it!”, pushing the knife in deeper, knowing he’d be gunning for me anyway - might as well make sure my next trap was fully set. This also signaled to everyone else at the table that whenever I checked or limped, it could be extremely dangerous if assumed to be a sign of weakness - something I’d leverage later as the blinds and antes rose and the proper time to bluff and steal blinds actually arrived.
After a slight pause, my Russian friend noticed that everyone was now looking at him. He looked down at his chips and said “nice play” with a reluctantly polite tone.
Boy, I was elated! My battle plan was definitely becoming field-proven here - and my next target was clearly sighted. It had taken careful observation, planning and a lot of patience to wait for the right hand, and then play it correctly to take this highly-skilled, aggressive player out and rake in all of his chips.
About ten minutes later, it was tournament break time, after two hours of play. I counted my chips, which totaled 14,900 (we started with 5,000 each), then grabbed a quick bite to eat, reflecting on what had just taken place.
Within ten minutes of returning from break, I finally picked up a serious starting hand: Cowboys (KK). I knew it was time for my new Russian friend and me to tango, so I fired out a bet of 3 times the big blind: 3,000 chips, bait that I was sure he couldn’t turn down. Sure enough, he bit - big time. His all-in raise came almost instantaneously, before I could even get my bet onto the table. He was totally ready to engage, and had been laying in wait for me - just like I had planned. I had set him up by taking out his friend and then challenging his poker ego in front of everyone. He just had to retaliate against me – it was a totally predictable “full-tilt” response from this kind of player.
This is what the game of poker is really all about – having a well-defined strategy, the patience to wait for the right hand, and then executing properly. It’s what makes poker a game of strategy instead of a game of chance (for some of us).
He raised by going all-in with around 8,000 chips to my roughly 14,000. I quickly called his all-in bet. Everyone else quickly folded and got out of our way.
I flipped my pocket kings over, then looked him straight in the eye and just smiled. Then someone says “Yeah! Now we’ve got some action!” He sighed and flipped over QQ - he actually had a real hand for a change. That’s one of the problems with these kinds of “semi-solid, aggressive” players, like my Russian friend here, and other poker greats like Gus Hansen. You never really know exactly what to expect from them. Of course, my opponent could’ve held pocket rockets (AA), but I’ll play those KK cowboys strong each and every time I get them, since there’s only one hand that can beat them heads-up. I also knew this aggressive player on tilt was likely to be overplaying his hand, improving my odds significantly.
The flop, turn and river came and went without another Queen and it was done - my cowboys stood up and I had all of both Russian’s stacks, which included most of the other two poor maniac’s chips (who lost to the Russians earlier). This instantly made me by far the chip leader at our table with well over 22,000 chips!
I went from having an average chip stack to being the table chip leader, against tough, aggressive opponents, within less than half an hour by:
a) Playing solid, reasonable tournament poker,
b) Not taking big, undue risks with weak or “drawing” hands,
c) Studying my aggressive prey and where the chips were sitting,
d) Formulating and refining a battle plan while observing the game progress,
e) Remaining patient while waiting for the right hand to make my move, and
f) Executing this plan with precision against a predetermined opponent, and on terms of my choosing – not the opponent’s.
There was no luck involved at all – except that my opponent didn’t hold AA or pull some lucky cards with a trash hand – which was simply playing the odds in my favor.
I started out with a high-level strategy to target aggressive chip leaders, and go after them with strong hands from the right position. I planned this before I ever arrived at the casino that day, or knew who these players would be. Then, I refined my plan once I knew for certain whom the evening’s targets would be and how I’d provoke them. It certainly helped that I caught two decent hands during those first hours of play.
Unfortunately, I later lost to a legitimate full house, but made it into the top 40 – it happens…
The key to playing against aggressive and maniac players is having a viable Texas Holdem strategy you can profit from when you get some good hands. If you have a good plan, you can convert it into a formidable stockpile of chips - a stack that you‘ll definitely need as the blinds and antes increase and the tournament field narrows in the latter stages.
This is how I approach Texas Holdem strategy for tournaments now - at least when the tables are full with 8 or more players, some of them aggressive and maniacs. So, the next time you encounter wild and aggressive players at your poker table, get ready to have some fun! It’s like Tae Kwon Do - using the opponent’s own energy and momentum against them.
In the next installment, we’ll detail this Texas Holdem strategy more formally, along with exploring some other tournament tips for playing better Texas Holdem poker.
Until then – good luck!
Rick
Rick Braddy is an avid writer, Texas Holdem player and professional software developer and marketer for over 25 years. His websites and Texas Holdem poker software specialize in helping people become better players. If you’re a poker player, be sure to visit his BetterHoldem.com Poker Tournament Strategy website today and learn how you can play better Texas Holdem, too.
Comments Off
Ahead of the Curve is a guide to applied strategic
thinking by Steven J. Stowell and Stephanie S.
Mead. This book provides excellent tools for team members
and leaders at all levels and in any size organization to become
more effective strategic thinkers.
The authors draw you into the book by sharing examples of people
who have utilized strategic thinking effectively. This allows
readers to apply the learning to real life situations. The book
educates us that strategic thinkers aren’t, or shouldn’t be,
found solely in company boardrooms but throughout every level in
an organization, team, or group.
The roadmap or model shared in Ahead of the
Curve has been extremely helpful to me as I strive to make
effective decisions in both the personal and professional areas
of my life. The “strategic dashboard” is a section of the model
that provides guidance in one of the more challenging but highly
impacting areas of thinking strategically. That highly area is
the ability to work on the right things or effectively
“acquiring the target” thereby increasing the ability to be
successful.
Having had the personal opportunity to experience the content of
this book through participation in the workshop conducted by the
authors as well as having facilitated the Applied Strategic
Thinking workshop, I can enthusiastically state that I have
greatly improve my strategic thinking abilities.
In addition, Leaders have expressed how the model and the
details found in this book have helped them and their efforts to
stay ahead of the many curves that come rushing at all of us in
our business and personal lives.
The future is rushing at us at what seems to be an ever
increasing speed. With the help of the authors’ applied
strategic thinking model and guidance found in Ahead of the
Curve, we can stay in control and turn the steering wheel
before we’re at risk of sliding off the road through the curves
life brings our way.
While we won’t be able to tell the future, the model and
guidance in this book can help us be more adept at making
decisions that result in bigger and better results. After all,
including the word “applied” in the book’s title isn’t an
accident; it’s all about applying those things that can put us
“ahead of the curve”. I highly recommend this book!
Comments Off
Julian Austin, Canadian country singer, released a song called Should Be Over You. He sings, How long does it take to mend a broken heart? After the heartache and tears, lonely and hurting, one night stands and drinking ain’t working, and missing you has near killed me a time or two, then after that I should be over you.”
Austin’s explanation of how long it takes to get over a broken heart refers to a romantic love that ended, but his words could apply to hearts that break when someone we love dies, also.
Broken hearts are not like broken legs. If I fall down the steps and break my leg, it will hurt, but a doctor can prescribe medicine to take away the pain. The medical staff can set my leg so that the bones will grow back together. Within a few months, I should be able to run as well as I did before the fall. Our bodies have a wonderful way of healing themselves.
On the other hand, if we experience a broken heart, it’s a whole different story! As Austin sings, drinkin’ won’t work, and there’s no medicine that will take away the pain. And if there are doctors that can fix our broken hearts back, they must be hiding in Tazmania because I can’t find them in south Georgia or on the World Wide Web.
In spite of the bleak picture, our hearts do have the capability of healing, in due time. They may never work as they did before the tragedy, but they should be able to attain a level of functioning that we can be comfortable with. The key words are in due time.
After Arlyn (my daughter) died, I searched for answers to the question: how long? I read grief books, and I quizzed people who claimed to know all the ins and outs of bereavement.
When I asked how long it would take for me to get over Arlyn’s death, I received a variety of answers.
Some experts said two months is long enough for deep grief; others said six months. Some people said to allow one year for mourning. Still others said that there is no set time limit, that it varies from person to person.
In my research, I found that the way we grieve and the duration of our grief are as unique as our fingerprints. No two bereavement patterns match.
How long it takes to recover from a loss or death depends on the interaction of various factors. A few of them are:
* Who died?
* How did the person die?
* Is there a good long-term support system in place?
* What are the complicating life circumstances?
* What is the person’s attitude?
Let’s consider each of these issues.
Who died?
How we survive, heal, and grow after a death are determined, in part, by our relationship with the person who left, and that person’s age.
How long a person has lived seems to matter sometimes. If the person who died is an infant, a child, a teenager or a young adult, we may feel the loss harder than we would if the one who died has a wrinkled old body topped by a weathered face, wispy gray hair and tried eyes.
I am not sure why this is; perhaps some of you will offer your opinions. If someone who has lived for ninety years dies, why should we be less affected by it than we are by the death of a child who only lives nine years?
Next, our relationship with the person who died is also significant. The death of a son or daughter, is considered to be one of the most profound losses anyone ever experiences.
However, the death of our husbands, wives, lovers, brothers, sisters, parents, or close friends may break our hearts, too. The break may simply be at a different place.
Sometimes, people grieve for beloved pets as hard as they do for the humans in their lives. People also grieve for celebrities and for people they have never met, if they have somehow been touched by them.
How did the person die?
We respond to loss or death differently according to whether it happened suddenly or gradually, and whether it’s a death caused by sickness or a violent one.
Some of us may have experienced the slow grief of long-term care for someone we love. We may have watched an aging parent or spouse die of cancer or Alzheimer’s disease or AIDS, with the process taking months or years to complete.
By the time the end comes, our grief may already be so heavy that we almost feel relieved to be able to let it go, but then it may return with a different texture to it later on.
On the other hand, sudden deaths bring about strong, emotional responses. We don’t anticipate vehicle accidents, house fire deaths, or people being killed by lightning.
We never expect anyone we care about to drown, to crash while skiing, or to have a fatal heart attack. An unexpected ending of a life can become a tidal wave pulling us under.
Sometimes, people die violently, either through homicide or suicide. Those affected by violent deaths may be so traumatized that their grief is controlled by anger, guilt, or rage for weeks, months and years.
Such intense feelings may prolong the painful grieving period, but that?s the only way they can survive. The tidal wave of a sudden death is even more terrifying to deal with when violence is involved.
Does the person have a long-term support system in place to help?
Connecting with supportive people until the grief process has run its course is crucial to healthy healing after a loss or death or other life crisis, for most of us. The supportive people may be friends, family members or professionals. They may also be people we meet on our journey who share our need to grieve.
Most people don’t understand how we feel if they have not experienced the same loss or gone through similar circumstances. They may want to help, but they simply don’t know how to do it, and sometimes, they put barriers in our way.
The result is that those of us who are in mourning may feel misunderstood, isolated and alone.
To compound things, if we feel pressured by others to suck-it-in and be strong, our need to grieve may be ignored, and that can make grief resolution even more difficult.
What are the complicating life circumstances?
Life circumstances can put impediments to a healthy, comfortable, peaceful way of life in our way. These situations, some of which we may not be able to prevent or control, can complicate our grief or prolong it. They can also delay our grief for months or even years.
Sometimes, we will have more than one complicating life circumstance. In these cases, giving ourselves permission to grieve, in spite of the problems in our lives, may be easier said than done.
Some of the complicating life circumstances are:
~ Our age and gender
~ Our job expectations
~ Money concerns
~ The quality of our personal relationships
~ Our health & the health of those around us
~ Any unresolved issues from our lives
The complicating factors of our lives may swell into huge thunderous waves pulling us under, and during a traumatic time in our life, we may forget how to swim.
All of these issues can stall the natural grieving process by virtue of the fact that we may have to focus all of our energy on them, neglecting our own emotional needs.
What’s the person’s attitude?
After the loss or death of a loved one, especially if it’s someone who is an integral part of our existence, we may not be able to choose our attitude at first. Initially, it may take all of our energy just to survive, so our grief may control us.
Grief is sometimes accompanied by depression. Depression may deplete our energy or obliterate our will to live. Without energy or motivation, it’s not easy to embrace grief as a separate entity.
Eventually, however, most of us will reach a point where we do have some control over our emotions and thoughts. Then, we have to decide whether we?re going to allow the tragedy to destroy us or lift us up.
There are other factors identified by experts as influencing how long healthy grieving lasts, but those I have listed encompass most things that matter. So now, what is the answer to the question: How long does it take to mend a broken heart? How long does the bereavement process last?
Unless someone discovers a magic formula to calculate the value of every factor that affects our lives, and to measure them all accurately, there is no way to determine the length of time anyone needs to mourn after a major loss.
Broken hearts and shattered souls are not controlled by a stopwatch. I say that we should be allowed to mourn as long as we need to. Period.
Quotes of the week -
I measure every grief I meet with narrow, probing eyes, I wonder if it weighs like mine, or has an easier size. Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)
I wish you peace.
Karyl Chastain Beal
Reluctant Traveler
karylofpavo@cs.com
Karyl Chastain Beal: Writer, Mother, Reluctant Traveler
Began this new journey after the suicide of her daughter, Arlyn, in 1996. Visit Arlyn’s memorial to learn more, and also some of the websites that help educate.
MS in Education, CT (Certified Thanatologist), story in Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul and various other publications.
Arlyn’s - http://virtual-memorials.com/servlet/ViewMemorials?memid=7461&pageno=1
Grieving Parents - http://www.grieving-parents.com
We Remember Them Memorial Website - http://www.we-remember-them.com
Comments Off
When you own a small business, time is money. And every time a
task that should be automated is handled manually, it wastes your
time and your business loses money. To make matters even worse,
performing these tasks manually, in front of clients or
prospects, projects the wrong image.
Even though technology is readily available and even affordable,
many small business owners do not take full advantage of these
powerful software packages. It may be hard to believe, but only a
small percentage of business owners have the technical expertise
necessary to handle the automation process. The others have
neither the time to learn nor the ability to hire the experts to
do the job.
But one thing is certain: One way to increase your business’s
bottom line is to get software that automates the tasks you do
manually and consequently, inefficiently.
Something as simple as contact management software is so
valuable. First and foremost, searching for contact information
is never more than a few mouse clicks away. Some software will
even allow you to access this data while away from you office.
Have you finally mastered your email system? Love the way it
keeps you off the phone? If you’re not careful, you’ll soon be
wasting as much time responding to your email as you did
returning your phone calls.
There’s not enough space to list all the benefits of using
autoresponders or all the ways to utilize autoresponders in your
business. Here are just a few – use them to send out product and
pricing information, to capture contact names and addresses, to
help with frequently asked questions (FAQs) lists, to deliver
different chapters of an e-book – anything that keeps your
company name in front of existing or potential customers can be
handled more efficiently using an autoresponder.
Raise your hand if you’re still carrying around your paperbound
daily planner! Throw it away and get software to keep track of
your appointments and those of all your employees. You’ll
appreciate how easy it is to know who’s doing what and when.
And think about how much time you spend each year gathering the
paperwork your accountant needs at tax time to prepare your
company income taxes. Why allow your accountant to charge you his
or her hourly rate to do the type of data entry you could have
been doing all year long IF you had only purchased AND installed
business accounting software.
If you think, “Well, I do this only once a year,” you are right,
but remember, there are many more income-generating things you
can do with the time you are wasting. Every second of saved time
helps your business operate more efficiently.
Even the most automated of offices is doomed should your hardware
ever crash and your data not be backed up. And we’re not talking
about “if” this crisis will occur; we’re talking about “when” it
will occur. There are so many easy-to-use and affordable backup
software programs available that you’ve no good excuse for not
backing up your valuable data.
There are many other business tasks you can automate but there’s
not enough room to list them all. Tasks like project management,
employee management and inventory management are more efficient
when they are automated. You can even translate your paper
marketing and sales information for fast and easy delivery via
the Internet.
There’s no end to the list of office tasks that can be automated
using the software that is readily available today. Put together
an office automation budget and decide which tasks are the most
important to automate. Then get going – you’ve got work to do!
Copyright © 2004 Cavyl Stewart. For more information on software to automate your business
or other small business programs, visit: http://www.find-small-business-software.com/software-directory.html -
Also, be sure to check out my Exclusive, 100% free ecourses.
Comments Off
With VoIP technology entering the mainstream, it brings the possibilities or huge profits for the companies that provide the service. The current promise of cost savings is driving more and more residential and business users to investigate this technology. But the local telephone companies are not going to give up customers without a fight.
There is a current mandate by the US federal government that all VoIP providers offer E911 service. The initial blocking of this information was with the public switched telephone network maintained by the major telephone companies.
The next stumbling block is ‘naked DSL’ or DSL access without local phone service. This service is rare, but without it a residence would not be able to use VoIP as their primary phone service mechanism. You see, DSL is running over your existing phone line provided by your local telephone company. Drop your local phone service and you’ll probably drop your broadband DSL access as well. (Cable broadband access is a viable solution here and the increased cost in cable access should be offset by the reduction on your monthly phone bill)
These are just two fronts in the battle over VoIP. Should companies be compensated for the infrastructures they build? Should E911 service be ‘free’ and offered as a public service? What about the existing phone service run into our homes? Who pays for those lines to be laid and hooked into the public switched telephone network?
There really are no easy answers to the questions above. The phone companies are not about to give up customers without a fight. They have years and billions of dollars spent in building one of the most reliable communications networks ‘currently’ known to us.
Is VoIP the next step in the evolving communications industry? How will this play out with phone companies offering internet and TV services and cable providers offering phone and internet service? The line is being blurred and yet the technology pushes forward.
I don’t have the answers, only questions. I know how I’d like to see it all play out, but alas, there is no Nirvana and no, it would seem we all cannot get along. Not when there’s literally billions of dollars at stake. There will be winners and losers as this war rages on, but it is my hope that we, the end users, will, in the end, be better for it. After all, we’ve been down this path many times before and it’s turned out ok.
Remember the advent of the PC and where we’ve gone since then? Remember the first bulky cellular phones vs. what’s available today? Yes, TV’s, radios, computers, phones the list goes on. Technology advances will continue to push us into new directions. I’m sure that in the end, VoIP will be as commonplace as the home computer.
We can leverage this technology today in a cost effective manner. Like any technology how you implement VoIP will make the difference. Whether you’re a residential or business user, there can be an immediate benefit. Check with your communications broker to find out if your existing phone needs can be met cost effectively with VoIP.
http://www.fullservice-broadband-provider.com
The Full service broadband provider is a service offered by Try Right Technology, Inc. This service provides unbiased informative information on broadband technology as well as local/long distance and cellular service. Copyright 2005
Comments Off